PALY- This Wednesday morning on the Quad, The Pillage Staff searched for a staff member at Palo Alto High School to find out how Paly is helping to fight the recent drought in California. We sought out one of our four vice principals, Mr. Battenman:
Pillage Staff: So, Mr. Battenman, have you heard about the rough drought hitting California? How are we helping out?
Mr. Battenman: Ah yes the drought.
P: Yes, the drought. Are we helping at all with the drought? Stanford University has drained all its fountains in order to compensate. Are we doing anything for our state?
B: Yes, of course. We have AP testing. Haven’t you noticed the yellow tint in our grass? That’s the tears of failing juniors and seniors watering our grass.
P: Ah, I see…
B: Yes, we are saving a fortune on water and we are trying to reduce water usage. It’s wonderful isn’t it? They are always crying this time of year, so someone had the idea to leave buckets around the school to collect the tears.
P: Yes, quite ingenious, actually. Has it been successful?
B: Extremely. I didn’t even know that students can cry this much. In fact, we haven’t refilled the pool with actual water for weeks, we just don’t know what to do with all those tears!
DISCLAIMER: The content of this article is purely satire and not meant to represent real-life events. Any similarities between characters in articles and characters in real life is purely coincidental. Please don’t sue us for libel. This article was written by Anna Zhang.
The Daily Pillage 