QUAD – In a shocking report, PAUSD Office of Redundant Constructive Services has confirmed what many students, parents, and teachers had already long suspected. The report revealed the true purpose of the PALY construction site: minerals extraction. PAUSD spokeswoman Kimberly Lyte was apologetic and candid during the press conference held in lieu of the report, detailing how the noises and disturbances coming from the “construction” site were not the result of buildings construction (Which had already been completed and furnished one year prior to the release of this article), but instead the blast mining and stone layer breaching taking place nearly a kilometer underground. When asked how the administration smuggled Trinitrotoluene onto school grounds, Mrs. Lyte explained that the vast amounts of fertilizer hauled into the site recently had contained the necessary Nitrogenous compounds required for on site TNT production.
The administration expressed some surprise that no one had called them out on what they described in the report as “obvious bullshit”, and asked the question: “Who the hell takes that long to build two buildings and a chain link fence?”. Despite backlash, the administration stands by its actions, stating that they “had to get the iPad carts somehow.”
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